Monday, September 15, 2014

Ten Random Things to Write About Because I Had No Other Ideas

1. I am doing fine. Fine. As in, you know- OK. I haven't had any big moments of oh! lately. Just regular stuff like: coffee makes me grumpy, the laundry is never ending, if I stay here in this moment instead of somewhere else (like tomorrow) I feels loads better.

2. I went out on a limb and started taking an upholstery class. It meant I had to go sign up and then ask for days off to be able to take the class. It meant I had to ask for time from my family and my work. This took some bravery. I am no bueno at asking for stuff that's just for me. But I'm a little better at it now. Practice.

3. I am running again. This brings great delight and joy to my heart!!!! I am running almost a mile with no pain the next day. Yesterday we saw a friend on the trail doing a 24 mile training run and I can remember when that was me. And now a mile is a triumph. Never underestimate the power of small stuff or short runs.

4. The clock works of our lives are shifting some- different plans in motion. Braver, bigger plans in motion. Because when I got sober my expectations got much higher. I'm not at the sky's the limit yet, but I'm way above the rock I was under.

5. My health is still my biggest worry. (I've been having double vision, headaches, and fatigue) I don't see the neurologist until December which is good because they didn't need to see me straight away and not good because what the fuck is going on???? I think I have a brain tumor at least four times a day. This is one of those things that is good letting go practice since as much as I want to control what's going on with me I just really cannot. And so I just keep remembering to let go, put my hands up and fly on down the big hill. On a scale of one to ten I am three to five scared. I get all sentimental and treasure my lovely sobriety life like a precious gem while I feel like it's totally fucking unfair that I'm going to die with only a few years of sobriety. And then I remember that nothing is wrong yet so I may as well just keep on waking up in the morning. I have a flair for drama. This means until I hear different I AM TOTALLY FINE.

6. I have poison ivy again. I am terribly allergic and love to play in the woods. Which makes it a total surprise that this is the second time I've had it this summer and it's actually really pretty much fall.

7. Another thing I'm really thinking on is being the me I'm actually meant to be: not the world's version, or my parents one, or this one, or that one- my one. I remind myself when I get dressed every day to wear what I feel like- even if maybe 73% of people might think I'm a total dork. I remind myself to not worry about what so and so does with their kids, or what things I'm "supposed" to be doing. I stay not busy because that's the way I like it. So even though most people around me are dashing to and fro and crowing about how busy they are I just make little bits of plans and cancel them if I feel stretched thin. Because that what works for me. The other day I was talking with a new friend and she said "I'm introverted extrovertish" and I was like "Yes! You are my people!"  This could also translate into liking myself for who I am.

8. I am working on getting my sense of humor back. Do you every look around and wonder "Who the hell made this so serious?" I had a little come to jesus with myself this morning on the way to work about lightening up and laughing more. I have gotten into a pattern of getting something in my craw and keeping it there. My naturopath taught me this thing called tapping that helps me ease through my nagging problems. Big and small. But it only helps if I use it. So I did, and lo and behold! It helped!

9. Things are good. Remarkably regular. Comfortingly similar. I like it. I still like waking up in the morning and knowing what I did last night. It hasn't gotten old yet. It still feels like a pretty little present when I wake up unhungover and with it. I am still getting used to not wanting to sleep for all of my free time. This is very cool. Very.

10. Being sober is the greatest. Ever, ever ever.

10 comments:

  1. Oh my gosh! I'm introverted extrovertish too! I just didn't know it had a name ?!! Lol. Thanks for your post. I'm always checking in an wondering how you are. I sense some calm. I been reading about Women for Sobrietry New Life Program. One of its statements is " life can be ordinary or it can be great" we get to decide how we feel about how we live each day.. To be present and enjoy even the little things. Congrats on the run!-~Denise

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Denise. :) I like great stuff, but I really like an good ordinary day. Because great is ordinary. And you're right- there is calm. That's me- an ordinary cucumber. :)

      Delete
  2. Sounds great...and even the things that may not sound so great...you have a wonderful attitude towards. And that's it, isn't it - life goes on, the world doesn't stop because we decide to get sober and we just move along...checking in with ourselves is a wonderful thing and keeps us in line. And fantastic on doing those new things and things you used to do (like the running - I ran 21 miles yesterday and am feeling it today!)

    Great to hear from you...sounds like life is wonderful :)

    Cheeeeeeeeeers ;)
    Paul

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 21 miles is grand! I always would get a laugh from running so far and then trying to walk up a curb after and it being the hardest part. :)

      Life is good. :) Cheers back! :)

      Delete
  3. I started exercising again too! And you're right - never underestimate the benefits of starting slow - the biggest of which is NO PAIN!

    I love that you're fine. I wish that they could give you a definitive diagnosis which is to say, you're fine, take this pill and you'll be all better by noon. I'm excited for your new endeavors and I can't wait to hear about them. And I love it when I see a new post from you in my blog feed.

    Love and hugs my friend,
    Sherry

    ReplyDelete
  4. I am trying to learn to cancel plans when stretched thin. This lies in direct conflict with taking on new things because I know that I can, sober. Oh well. Sorry about the poison ivy and the health stuff! Glad to hear you're happy with runs. Tapping sounds interesting. I can see that it would struggle with doing it consistently and I haven't ever done it before. This isn't 10 random sentences but close enough! Enjoyed your post and calm!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I am with you on #9. I am 3 years and 9 months sober, and it hasn't gotten old yet. Thanks for your inspiring blog.

    ReplyDelete
  6. PERFECT. This made my Friday. I felt like it was written for me. Thank you.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Help please. I still enjoy my evening cocktails and still find time to exercise. What is going on? I feel a disconnect from real life since I recently became unemployed. It is so much more easier to just do nothing and drink in the evenings!

    ReplyDelete
  8. I woke up sober today for the first time in a while, took the efforts of hercules last night (OK so just hiding my purse and putting my pj's on after I got in late from a class and watching the clock tick past ten when they shut). Today I've hunted out a few blogs recommended through a forum I'm on and yours came up. Thank you for posting. I'm off to read Belle too.

    I'd like to get to number 10. First time sober, no hangover in months. Be nice if I had the gumption to get passed day 3.

    Enough of my whining. Thanks for your blog its fabulous.

    ReplyDelete