Thursday, November 7, 2013

11 Months Sober Today




I'm 11 months sober today. It hardly seems possible that almost a whole year has gone by, but it has! I'm going to visit a lifelong friend next weekend. The last time we were together we sat on my back porch and drank and smoked for hours. She asked me if I was still not drinking, and I said  yep, and she said wow. That's a long time. Yep.

I've been counting days again- looking forward to this 11 month benchmark. It makes me feel safe. It makes me feel like I can look in my rearview mirror and I don't even see any booze in the picture. I have a pile of sober days now, a sober history now. I have enough time that it isn't just a phase, or a whim, but a truth about me. I am so, so, so fucking proud of that.

Last night my husband and I went out to dinner together just us for the first time since I've been sober. (I know, in pretty much a year. Holy head smack.) It was wonderful, wonderful. We talked. And ate. Relaxed. And ate. I went to the bathroom before dessert and felt so good to be sober. To be standing in the bathroom not uber buzzed after way to much to drink already. To not be reeking of cigarettes and wine. To not worry if I stumbled. To feel beautiful and clear. To remember it all.

I feel like we shared a meal. That we had a chance to bond. That we need to do that more! Our marriage is kind of like a kid learning to ride a bike. There can be a lot of wobbling, and sometimes a wreck. But we really want to know how to ride a bike, so we keep practicing. As I learn to live in my sobriety I learn how to be a better wife. A kinder one. I see that my husband really loves me because I give him the chance to. When I was drinking my heart was a wooden door. It's hard to open it, but I'm learning to trust him. To lean on him and feel safe. We are becoming a "we" again.

Oh, the progress of sobriety. God, it is such a wonderful hard thing.

16 comments:

  1. Hooray, Amy! Big congrats on 11 months!!! Wow, that is a long time. You rock, and you had better be proud!

    I love what you say about practicing and sharing and becoming. People sometimes talk as if being "in love" (or in any other good bit of life) is a static state, but it is all about the doing, I think. It's lovely to hear how well you're doing, and how clear you are in it. Also, that's a gorgeous "no hands!" photo. xoxo

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    1. Oh, the loving is in the doing for sure. I find that when I put effort in I get so much more out of it than when I just expect things without rhyme or reason. Being vulnerable and opening my heart is real hard for me. Which means I need to do it ALL THE TIME. ;)

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  2. 11 months is wonderful. Congrats, Amy. xx- Jen

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  3. Wow! 11 months is HUGE!!
    So happy for you and how far you have come. It's like doing everything again for the first time, through new eyes, and it can be exciting and fresh and new if we let it!!
    Be happy Carrie x

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    1. It can be good if we let it! And even when it ain't so swell it's a helluva lot better that being hungover all the time. Thanks Carrie! :)

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  4. Congrats on the 11 months! It's a wonderful thing, ain't it?? And I love what you said about you guys becoming a "we" again...very touching :)

    Blessings,
    Paul

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    1. Thanks Paul. Getting sober certainly changes things in relationships- all of them.

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  5. High Five, Amy! I will read this post over and over as a reminded ... of all the wonderful things Sobriety brings.I needed this today, thanks for sharing! Jenny G.

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    1. You're welcome Jenny! Keep reading. :) Sobriety: Best Gift Ever.

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  6. Reading this just made my heart swell. I am so, so fucking proud of you too!!!!

    xxx

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  7. Oh happy happy congratulations!!!! I love the, "we are learning to be "we" again"...just beautiful.

    Sherry

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    1. Thanks Sherry. :) I'm using the famous "I need" technique taught to me by a wise wise woman. :)

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  8. Hi, Amy! I was browsing through December's Good Housekeeping while waiting in the checkout line at Walmart, when I randomly turned to your article. I thought, "This is a frickin' sign!" I had just quit drinking that week. I put the mag in my cart and read your article that night. THANK YOU! It is a brave thing to write about your struggle with alcohol. You've inspired me to document my journey through a blog. Congratulations on your sobriety! :)

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    1. Congrats on yours too! I love signs. :) Welcome to the sober blogging world. It has helped me so much, I hope it helps you too.

      xoxoxo
      amy

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