Now here we are on the day it really is, unless you're reading this tomorrow then it's the day it really isn't. Maybe I had too much coffee. I had a heart-to-heart with Universe Amy about something I consider one of the biggest parts of my sobriety- humility. There's an art to being humble, it's hard to do in this world of look at me look at me look at me. How to balance being proud and shining without coming across as a know-it-all arrogant asshole.
9th Good Reason to be Sober
Humility & Grace
I have been struggling some with trying to feel this new feeling: pride. You know how that goes- welp, before a fall they say. I am so proud of myself for being sober for a year! For writing a blog people enjoy! For being really good at sobriety. I wonder when we got to a place that says be as good as you can but shut up about it. Trying to temper success, but still be able to show your joy. To be able to be all Dalai Lama about it. To radiate awesomeness rather than announce it. To have the strength to take a bow even if you're the only person in the audience. And then throw flowers too.
So much of our successes depend on what other people think of them. Being sober is trying to give me the ability to celebrate myself from within, and then be able to share that rather than megaphone it. It's hard when you're being sober and you need a parade every day to keep going and then you have to ask for it.
Humility and grace go together. I think as a whole we are pretty bad at accepting praise. "You look so pretty!" "Oh, no, I just rushed out of the house." "What a great shirt!" "Oh, no, I got it on sale for like 50% off." We have to explain why we aren't pretty, or why good stuff isn't true, or how it might be, but only because we got it at a discount.
It has been wonderfully overwhelming to get all the kind messages I have throughout the course of writing this blog. I am learning to accept praise offered and accept it with grace. "Thank you." "I appreciate you saying so." and not have to explain my goodness away as some sort of accident or markdown.
To be able to be humble, but without being meek. To be gracious. To be welcoming, and comforting, and to be proud.
I had my women's group meeting today. My therapist gave me a one year chip. It took my breath away. In that room, tears running down my face, I felt humbled by the simple beauty of that gift, by her belief in me. I managed to say, with all the grace a sobbing woman can muster, "Thank you so much. I was lost for a really long time. It feels really good to be found." I felt humble and heartswollen and proud and full of messy grace. Overflowing of good reasons to be sober.