Saturday, November 30, 2013

My First Sober Thanksgiving


Thanksgiving was a lovely day at my parents house. My brother and his family came down, all the kids (five boys under eight years old- my two and his three) got along. All the adults got along. Dinner was loud and delicious. We all agreed that the stuffing was the best, ham too was a great idea, and that we should feed the kids first next year so we could all actually eat instead of pop up and down for kid seconds and thirds before we'd had a bite. "Mom? I need more ham." "Me too! I need more ham too!" And so we could hear each other talk.

Around five or so we came home, built a fire and all piled up in blankets and pillows and snacks on the couch. Put on "The Polar Express".

Kind of in the middle of the movie I had a sudden thought. "Is this what we do every year? Wait, why don't we do this every year?"

Then I remembered.

This was my first sober Thanksgiving.

Usually I would have had wine with dinner. Then Jonathan and I would have wine at the house. I would have wanted to put the kids to bed on time so we could get our Thanksgiving drink on. I would have been bundled in my coat outside smoking and freezing.

I would be hungover this morning instead of popping open a can of cinnamon rolls and making bacon. I would be dreading this whole day instead of wishing it had a few more hours. I would have been upstairs asleep instead of making hot chocolate for the kids. Seeing them grin when I hold up the whipped cream so they'll open their mouths and I'll spray some right in. This delights them and me every time. I would have missed it.

The more time I spend sober, the more I realize that the alcohol industry has it all wrong. I don't have less fun because I don't drink- I have more. They have us all fooled into thinking that life is ho-hum OK, but if you add some chardonnay it will be somehow extra extra amazing. They want us to believe booze makes it better.

Liars.

They also want you to think you are missing something if you aren't drinking. That you are boring. Abnormal. I am of the opinion that having to add booze to an event or to a person to make it fun is just plain dumb. Totally dumb. 

Being sober has made me realize: I'm not missing anything. I see and hear and remember it all. I'm not waiting for the magical time to happen when the wine is right and the night is alive and I am suddenly, because of booze, the woman I was always meant to be. I am already her. I have all the things I need right here. I am not boring or uncool with my seltzer and my sobriety. I am fucking awesome. :)

25 comments:

  1. Fantastic post! I love your descriptions, felt like I was right there. I love what you said about chasing that so-called magical time, allegedly found in a bottle....but there is no magic in a hangover,

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    1. Definitely no magic in a hangover! But sober mornings? Glorious!

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  2. Amen sister!
    Sounds Amazing
    Carrie c

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  3. Yes!!! Yes!!! I so agree with you and isn't it amazing when we realise .... We are not missing out on anything, we are experiencing everything and if it's fun and lovely then it's going to be fun and lovely WITHOUT booze! I love this post.... Love it so much I want to print it off. You are awesome Amy xxx

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    1. Thanks! I have so much more fun without boozie riding shotgun.

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  4. Exactly ....could if been writing about me!! We also watched polar express & I still remembered our Thanksgiving the next morning!! Lol. I'm 13 days sober & go through minutes if happiness that I'm not drinking...then go through minutes of " what if I can control my drinking?"...." can I do this not dtinking thing forever???" Ughhhh !

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    1. It was so wonderful to spend time together, to hold my oldest's hand when he teared up at the end and said in his husky little emotional voice, "i really love this movie mom."

      Sometimes not drinking forever doesn't seem long enough. :) Just feel those feelings and be gentle with yourself- totally normal! Totally fine! And now you're 2 weeks in so no need to start over, just keep going. You can.

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  5. YEY! You are awesome! Love this post, so very cool. And I completely agree... they all have it way wrong! LOL!

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  6. Oh my gosh I love this and I NEEDED to read this tonight. Thank you!

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  7. Amy, You are awesome!! I love this post and ditto on Thanksgiving!!
    Jenny G.

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    1. Living days sober makes life so much better. For the first time I didn't cringe when I woke up the day after Thanksgiving. Wonderous!

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  8. It was my first sober Thanksgiving too. It was great, except for other people that were drunk and acting obnoxious! I finally realize how annoying it can be. I decided to sit in the living room, but it was at my house, and no one would leave until close to 10 and they got here at 1:00. My family was with me in the living room and it was quiet....my husbands family stayed in the dining room drinking and playing games. I didn't even want to drink, I enjoyed myself staying sober. After everyone left I went shopping with my son, which I haven't been able to do in the past because I had been drinking, he was so happy, it makes it all worth it!

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    1. Did you know it's totally OK to say, "Oh, I'm not drinking so please don't bring booze to our Thanksgiving." And it's fair, and reasonable. And if people get up in arms then they can have thanksgiving elsewhere. Did y'all come to get drunk or be with family? And it's also OK to say, "Well, thanks for coming. Here, let me get your coat." :)

      It is all worth it. And the person you need to take care of most is you. And that's OK. :) Because it just naturally happens that the better care you take of yourself the better you care for others.

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  9. Liars. That one statement is just pain brilliant. THEY are the ones lying. It's all LIES.

    Booze does not make life better...I make life better.

    Thankful for you my friend.

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    1. They are the ones lying! Full of malarkey I say! :)

      I am thankful for you. A lot. :)

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  10. Sing it from the hilltops, sistah!

    Great you had a wonderful Thankgiving...sound yummy the whole thing.

    Yeah, marketing makes it all look fun and juicy, doesn't it? But those TV commercials don't show you what happens after the first two Michelob's down the hatch, do they? Ugh. Anyway, glad it all went well :)

    And cinnamon buns? Mmmmmmm...my achilles heel, thought!

    Have a great day!

    Cheers ;)
    Paul

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  11. I just love this. Right on!! Being sober is rad and you totally rule. I love the sound of your holiday, and completely and totally agree that life is so much better sober. xxx

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  12. AMEN! It took me longer to realise it, but being sober is so much more fun! I experience life and enjoy it so much more! I don't need alcohol to be happy.

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  13. Couldn't agree more and LOVE the adorable picture of you!

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  14. Amy - that's wonderful! Ironically, the day before Thanksgiving is the day I decided to stop drinking so this was my first Thanksgiving AF as well (not nearlly as laudable as your milemarker!) But, it was so much nicer. Probalby easier as we had a small family gathering and my brother-in-law wasn't drinking since he had to go into work which slowed down my sister! We all sat around and played Apples-to-Apples with our kids for about an hour (age ranges 10 - 15) and it was wonderful! So nice to get up the next day and feel refreshed as well. I'm hoping to pull this off through the Christmas holidays as well. Starting to realize that alcohol was becoming more of a habit for me - pulling out that glass right as soon as it got to about 5:00 so am finding other things to do to keep busy and make it through the witching hour. So far, have been successful. I anticipate Christmas to be a bit more challenging as more of my family will be here and they certainly enjoy their cocktails (and early!). And I most agree with your statement about sober mornings. Ths thing I've enjoyed the most so far is getting up in the AM without a headache and being more tolerble of my children. Husband even commented I was more "chipper" (although not sure aobut that word!)

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  15. So happy for you. I love the photo. You look exuberant, and the table, wow. And the window, and the view! Perfect way to remember that day.

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