My dear pen pal/sober blogess extraordinaire Belle posted about being curious about who's hanging about reading her site, days sober, and quit dates. Well, I had to pull up the calculator (which either says "Wow, you've been sober for a long time" or "It's hard to add 25 + 33 at six in the morning"...) I always remember that I have twenty one days in December. Except I have twenty-FIVE days in December. Please pass the coffee.
That's a grand total of 58 days. Did you hear a little pat pat pat? That was me, gently patting myself on the back. Almost two months. How about that. *crooked little smile*
I am floored by this- but not because I feel like "Whoa! That's such a long time." More like "Really? That's it?" I feel like I've lived a year in these past almost two months. That's what happens when you remember your life I guess. It seems longer because it is longer. There aren't these giant holes of hours where you've been living, but in a vacancy. The days stretch and last in good ways and bad. I know what happened last night every morning. I'm living, and not drowning. Everlasting.
Woo hoo! 58 days is amazing! I get what you're saying about time moving slowly though. Here's a secret...shhhh...something magical happens after 90 days and I'm not sure why. Things just get easier...time moves faster...pinker clouds roll in.
ReplyDeleteYou are kicking ass and taking names. Yay you!
Sherry
It does get better and better. It's like...Whoa. I feel so happy. It doesn't get any better than this, and then Whoa! I feel even better.
DeleteLa la la pink clouds. :) I don't even mind the gray ones so much anymore. ;)
Very cool! Congrats on 58! Here is to the next 58+ one day at a time! And it does start going faster, you'll find many new things that you can now fill your days with! :)
ReplyDeleteThank you! I don't know how I had all that time to drink. I've been finding plenty to do. Maybe that's why life seems to be lasting so much longer. :)
DeleteI know what you mean, about the 'that's it?' feeling, and that it comes from actually having memories of your whole life. I sat down once and tried to figure out just how much of my day, on average, I was 'present' for when I was drinking.
ReplyDeleteI decided that until about 9 am most days, I was 'still drunk', then until about 1 pm, I was 'totally hungover' and then I was OK until I started drinking again at about 7 pm in the evenings. Between that time and when I stumbled in to bed, I was drinking and/or drunk. Then I'd pass out and be asleep. All told? I guess that I was 'present' in my own life for about 7 hours a day. The rest of the time, I was drinking or drunk or recovering.
When I first stopped drinking, I was astounded at just HOW MUCH TIME I suddenly had to fill. It was incredible. It was scary. It was a lot of time. Days were longer - one day went from 7 hours to 14+ fully-conscious and -experienced hours. It seemed impossible. Now, I just do not have enough time to do all I want to do... my world is so huge and so full of things to enjoy.
You are doing incredibly well, Amy. Hang in there, and live every single sober moment, no matter how painful or long. Every one of them counts...
XO,
Michelle
I hear you! Some days I just need an extra hour or two.
DeleteGod, the struggle to get thru the hangover and then picking up a drink at the end of the day. How stupid. All day: "I feel awful" 5 o'clock? "Time for a drink so I can feel terrible tomorrow too!" ;)
Thanks for your support. :)
58 days is incredible! When I had like 2 or 3 days under my belt, I remember looking at people like you and wondering what planet were your from? There is no way on God's Green Earth that someone could go that long without a drink. Impossible. Oh was I ever wrong! As mentioned by Sherry, things start to move a bit more after 90 days or so. I stopped counting days around then. I even stopped counting months. It was because it wasn't on the forefront of my mind any more. Life was! I was starting to engage in life again, like Michelle mentioned. I didn't have time to sit and cross days off the calender...the calendar was filling up, and my life was too.
ReplyDeleteCongrats on those 58 well earned days.
It gets so much better than this even!
Cheers :)
Paul
Thanks Paul! It really does blow my mind that I can't remember to the exact day how long it's been anymore. After only sixty days? I actually wrote "60" on my calendar so I wouldn't have to go back and count from December again. :)
DeleteHey you, you ok? I just clicked on your newest blog that showed up on my blog, and it's disappeared. For someone that's been shuffling around the blogosphere a long time, I've seen a lot of disappearing blog entries that were signs of trouble in soberville. I hope that's not the case, I hope that you just decided you didn't like what you wrote and wondered why you wrote it in the first place (I've done that a lot).
ReplyDeleteI hope all is well. Let us know if you need anything, a cup of sugar, oh yeah, we're all avoiding that these days, but you can still stop in at my place anytime for a chat or a shoulder, just email me at karymayhickey@gmail.com
Thank you so much. It was a whiny post that I needed to get out, but after re-reading didn't like at all. All's well in soberville! :)
DeleteThe sugar thing is hard and hilarious. Picture a bunch of boozers running from the cookies. :)