Monday, March 4, 2013

A Letter to My "Sponsor"

Sober car coming through!

Dear Belle,

I lurked on sober blogs for two days before I screwed up the courage to send an email to you- then a stranger (!) and you actually emailed me back. And when you said you'd like to keep hearing from me I believed you and so I kept on writing. And you kept writing back. And I kept not drinking. Getting up early to write, to check my email. To see if it were possible that you wrote again. And you did. Every day. Sometimes more than once!

And so I could not drink. I couldn't because I couldn't bear the thought of writing to you: "I drank last night." And so when it was 5:30 in the afternoon and every fiber of my being wanted to screech off to the wine store I poured seltzer and ruby red grapefruit juice into a big wine glass and chugged away instead. Day after day. Day after day.

I couldn't drink because trust is a tenuous thing. Although I know it wouldn't have mattered to you, it would have mattered to me. And I didn't want there to be any doubts. I didn't want you to wonder if I was hammered or hungover when you didn't hear from me. I wanted you to be able to trust that I was serious about this. For these almost ninety days I've been building my first genuine non-drinking-I'm-Amy relationship.

You are the first person I've opened my whole self up to in as long as I can remember- probably since I was about five. I've been nothing but me. I've said what I meant to say, not what I thought you would want to hear. And guess what? You liked me anyway.

And you've been you. Not a supercilious self help guru, but you. When we have different perspectives it's refreshing and not tiresome. You get my quirky humor. You make me laugh. We are a good mix of alike and different. I don't even know what you look like or how your voice sounds and I count you as one of the most important people in my life. How cool is that?

We are friends with our souls. Thank you. Really. Thank you.

Beep beep my friend. Beep mother fucking beep. Sober women ROCK!

p.s. Find Belle's blog here.  My email is if you're reading this and you need a sober pen pal. Don't be afraid, or think people don't have time. Amazingly, people will take time for you if you're brave enough to ask for help. Or if you just need a pen pal.


  1. What a lovely tribute! You both rock.

    Just beautiful.


  2., wow, and WOW! I just discovered your blog via Lilly and was glad I had some extra time in my day to read it finish to start. I say that because I actually went backwards, and one of the most amazing things is that your very first post was a quitting post and look how freakin' far you have come. You are a true inspiration, like so many others out here in the "sobersphere". I jotted down the names of the book recommends and will continue to follow your progress.

    1. Thanks for reading. :) I also recommend Augusten Burroughs "This is How".

  3. Wonderful letter! It is so amazing how we are ale to help each other! Just by reading this post I felt the power. No one else can understand what it means to have support when getting sober, unless they are also getting sober. Thank you!

    1. The support is such a backbone. Every day. Unfortunately to get it you have to have been there. Good thing we have each other. And that we've been there, but now we're on our way back.

      You're welcome!

  4. This is soooo lovely.

    And, yes, you are both freaking awesome.

    And, back that sober car up a second, this means you're near 90 days??? You're near 90 days!!!


  5. Lovely.

    'Nuff said. :)

  6. Amy, what an awesome posts! Congratulations!!

    I know for me - reading these posts, sharing my own experience and emailing others who have been where I am has kept me sober for damn sure!!

    Day 20 in a row for me and 28/29 days sober! Damn that one day - never again.

    I am driving right behind you in my sober car - beeping my horn in celebration!!


  7. Holy Christmas I can't believe i didn't see this until today! what a lovely lovely letter from a lovely lovely chick ;) but you're wrong about one thing, if you went on a bender I would care... because you'd feel sucky and then i'd feel sucky for you.

    I so enjoy being sober penpals with you, and you know what i always say, a day without an email from Amy is a very quiet day.

    Hugs to you from me.
    ~ Belle

    PS/ i'm happy to be sober penpals if anyone else is out there lurking :)

  8. I knew you'd care about that part, I meant you wouldn't be all judgmental and junk.

    Hugs back. :)

  9. Thank you for the offer. I am going to take you up on it really soon..I am almost ready to try again..
    I don't want to go it alone.
    Well done on 90. You are all over it!

    1. Carris,

      Anytime. Keep reading sober blogs- you are never alone. There are lots of us out there to keep you company and provide flashlights and blankets when you feel scared and alone. When you're ready you're ready. I'll keep an eye out for you! :)