|Sober car coming through!|
I lurked on sober blogs for two days before I screwed up the courage to send an email to you- then a stranger (!) and you actually emailed me back. And when you said you'd like to keep hearing from me I believed you and so I kept on writing. And you kept writing back. And I kept not drinking. Getting up early to write, to check my email. To see if it were possible that you wrote again. And you did. Every day. Sometimes more than once!
And so I could not drink. I couldn't because I couldn't bear the thought of writing to you: "I drank last night." And so when it was 5:30 in the afternoon and every fiber of my being wanted to screech off to the wine store I poured seltzer and ruby red grapefruit juice into a big wine glass and chugged away instead. Day after day. Day after day.
I couldn't drink because trust is a tenuous thing. Although I know it wouldn't have mattered to you, it would have mattered to me. And I didn't want there to be any doubts. I didn't want you to wonder if I was hammered or hungover when you didn't hear from me. I wanted you to be able to trust that I was serious about this. For these almost ninety days I've been building my first genuine non-drinking-I'm-Amy relationship.
You are the first person I've opened my whole self up to in as long as I can remember- probably since I was about five. I've been nothing but me. I've said what I meant to say, not what I thought you would want to hear. And guess what? You liked me anyway.
And you've been you. Not a supercilious self help guru, but you. When we have different perspectives it's refreshing and not tiresome. You get my quirky humor. You make me laugh. We are a good mix of alike and different. I don't even know what you look like or how your voice sounds and I count you as one of the most important people in my life. How cool is that?
We are friends with our souls. Thank you. Really. Thank you.
Beep beep my friend. Beep mother fucking beep. Sober women ROCK!
p.s. Find Belle's blog here. My email is firstname.lastname@example.org if you're reading this and you need a sober pen pal. Don't be afraid, or think people don't have time. Amazingly, people will take time for you if you're brave enough to ask for help. Or if you just need a pen pal.