I woke up way too early trying to finagle the future again. I wish there were some way to figure out the answer right now. To know the very best choice. To maybe have someone who tells me what to do and then they are always right and I live in bliss for eternity. But a real person. Who might look a lot like Yoda. And sound like Maggie Smith.
When I was drinking, my life just kind of scooched along. It was sort of boring really. The only thing I really really worried about was my drinking. It encompassed everything. It affected everything. It took up all the space in my head. It was big. And solo. A one man band.
Now, holy shit. There is a carnival going on up there. Look over here! Here's this! And that! And this! There are so many options I am starting to feel a little overwhelmed. But in a good way, mostly. The hard part is not knowing how it ends. Not knowing what really is the best choice. Where is Dionne Warwick when I need her? Psychic friends? Hello?
The hardest part of early sobriety for me right now is reigning it all in. I feel like I want to pack all the missed possibilities in. Like right now. Is it possible to be too excited about life? I don't want to go off all willy nilly and end up with handfuls of fits and starts and no results.
And then I think about all the years I spent drinking and wishing for sobriety. And now here it is. Wish come true. Whoa. I mean really. WHOA.
So does that mean that maybe my other wishes can come true, too?
My life is really big right now. It's like I've been speeding around on a windy day in a convertible. Everything's sort of blown all around. I might need some smoothing. Some refining. Perhaps a pretty scarf to keep things together.
I need to remember that I don't need to predict the future because I can trust it. Me. At the carnival. In my pretty scarf.
it's times like these when i don't know how i ever got anything done when i was drinking wine every night. my goal then? 6 pm. my goals now? have, be, do, create, run, sleep, enjoy, stretch ...
ReplyDeleteRight on. There are so many other things to do besides drink, I really don't know why I spent so much time doing that one awful for me thing when there were so many great things I could have been doing. :)
DeleteDid you ever get a new book and go straight to the last page to see how it ends? That was me! And, OMG, I know I have called Dionne few times when I was drunk! Lol!
ReplyDeleteIsn't it crazy how sobriety opens all these doors! So many new things to see, do and experience! in the beginning, I was always running to my next adventure. after a while it was exhausting! Lol! I had to slow down. So I try to practice one day at a time now, it lets me focus on what is right in front of me. - oh yeas I still need to do more of this! Thanks for your post, have a great day!
Thanks! :) There are so many possibilities I have to remember to stop. Breathe. Let life flow. Listen up to the universe. Breathe more. :)
DeleteRelax. Don't try to control your whole world. Just keep your heart open and let it unfold to you. Like you said...trust it.
ReplyDeleteBut definitely get the scarf.
Sherry
I have been white knuckling it for years. Trusting it is so cool. And hard. But so much better than before.
DeleteScarf. In full effect.
Namaste. :)
What Sherry said. And yeah... wishes can come true. It's amazing to think that we can make things happen for ourselves. We can choose change and implement it - it's that simple. But it's a 'long game' as Mr D always says... slow and steady but always in the right direction. You're doing great! xxx
ReplyDeleteThanks! Slow and steady. I am a sober turtle. :)
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