Thursday, April 11, 2013
I must admit, I've been recoiling a little bit. Feeling a little lost in the shuffle/down in the dumps/pity party city. Not in a huge, or unmanageable way, more like in a ho hum sort of way. Jesus, life isn't a parade every day? What the hell?
But, then again...maybe it is. Maybe just not the Macy's Parade every day. (That kind of sounds a little hard to maintain.) Maybe a small town Arbor Day Parade some days. But a reason to celebrate nonetheless.
I've been getting bogged down in the "me-ness" of it all and forgetting to smell the roses. (another parade!) Is it possible to bore oneself to death with ones own self-ness? If so, I may be close. Like Belle says, "Get a life." Actually, she didn't say that, but I think she might have meant it. But in a nice way. More like, "Find something else to focus on besides just being sober." (That's what she really said.)
Here's another interesting thing about being sober: once you have been it for a while the excitement sort of wears off. That sounds shitty, doesn't it? But I mean it wears off, and that's a good thing. You just need something else to think about now that you're finished thinking about drinking. So for years I thought about how bad I felt because I was drinking, and then I've been thinking about how awesome I feel since I'm not drinking and now I think I need to start thinking about other stuff.
What the hell else is there?
I know, a thousand million things. And here's the other thing: not forcing it. Letting God or the universe or that tree over there reveal your new stuff slowly. At its' own pace. Not all this frantic searching "what is my thing, what is my thing, whatismything!?! I have to be interested in something! ANYTHING!"
So my new hobby is breathing. In. And Out. I added telling myself to relax and take it easy yesterday. I also try to make my mind blank. (*ahem*) Have you ever tried to make yourself not think about anything? This is hard. So I've been doing more breathing than anything else. What all that boils down to is not forgetting how great I am, and how good life is. And how even if there's only one float, life's still a parade.