Monday, April 29, 2013

Life as Seed








Here we are y'all. Just living, you know, day to day. Making breakfast, making decisions, making a life. I've been finding some measure of comfort lately in the simple of it all. How life has kind of untangled and sort of wanders along. Meanders even.

Lord, I did never ever think my life might just meander.

Even in all my great messiness there was that beauty I was, the beauty I am inside. I could not ever have the appreciation for my simple day to day life if I had not been who I was then. Just the plain act of waking up and realizing that I'm sober rewards me daily. The way I look at my face in the mirror- without shame or malice, oh.

I kind of liken my life to me as a seed. You know, you can drown a plant. There is a such thing as too much water. In trying to grow my beauty (you know, fit in) I suffocated who I really was. Poor pitiful little me pouring my life out. I love the idea that sobriety dries you out, makes you reach to find the water to nourish you. Gets rid of that seed coat and lets you push your tender self right on up and out towards the honesty of a real life. A life with real feelings, and memories, and people who care for you- not the you who makes them feel better about how much they drink- but care for you. Because really you have to be cared for and about. And these are two different things. And then a lot the same. You know, just like people and seeds.

I think about people who are struggling with giving up booze every day. I think about the people I know, and the people I don't know who are in their heads wishing and wondering if it can be done. I wish I could do an on call sobriety service: you call, we hang out and drink seltzer for two weeks until you get your feet under you, and then you stay sober forever. And then I might have to be a magician. And since I'm already juggling too many ideas I can't do that too. So then maybe you have to be a magician for yourself.

Growing something from a seed really is kind of like magic. Put a hard small thing in dirt. Give it water, sun, and caring. Not too much of any of these though. Things can go haywire if you smother something with too much of any of these things. Much like early sobriety (since you're trying to defeat the mess of having too much as it is) you have to figure out how to do things to the here and not the WAY OVER HERE!!!! Your plant will show you what it needs if you pay attention: drooping from too much water, shriveling from too little. Not growing or flowering if there's not any sun. I think you can care about it as much as you want to though. That part will be OK, except not too much since you might need other things to do, too. And then with caring, for and about, your plant will give you cool things like flowers, or tomatoes.

Growing a sober you from a seed is definitely like magic too. Here you are, hard and scared and in the dirt. Just the thought that you can get sober is enough. It's enough to start the magic. And then as you stay sober you start to learn how to grow yourself, you start to see who you are and what you need not just to survive but to thrive. To grow and flower and get a strong trunk and loads of leaves and whatever you want to have your life to be. And the more you care for yourself the easier it gets and the better it is and then maybe you're an orchard or an entire garden center and it rocks.

I've planted a garden on my drinking porch. It looks nothing like it did last spring. Last spring there was a big metal table with an umbrella. A few flower pots and beer bottles full of smelly cigarette butts. Now that table is in the yard, the stinky cigs are gone, and there are tiny plants all over the place, and two bright green plastic chairs. I have also learned, over these past several months, that I've planted a garden in my head: that I can have an abundant, fertile, beautiful life. So as my garden grows on the porch, my sobriety is growing too.

If you are struggling with your magic, if you are wishing for your own garden, I applaud your courage. Just thinking about quitting is hard. Go today and find a something to plant a seed in. Find your seed. Plant it. Even if you're still drinking take care of that little seed. Let it remind you to take care of you. Hold that seed, that little plant instead of a drink. Tell it your problems. Watch it grow. I'm rooting for you.






43 comments:

  1. I know, I know. It came to me right at the end, right as I was finishing it up. Cheesy. :) I love it.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I love the idea of planting a seed and thinking of it as ourselves. So many people who are still struggling ask, "But what am I going to do if I don't drink? How do I get through the witching hour?" I think this is a great solution and I'm going to share in on the message boards I participate on.

    BTW, the brain gets more and more fertile the longer you're sober which means it becomes a tangly forest of "too much to do". But it's so beautiful in its overgrowth.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have to admit, I am kind of in love with this new brain. It has all this stuff to say, and I can deal with all of it. :)

      Delete
  3. Wow. Remarkable post, Amy. Thank you, thank you, thank you for taking the time to write your beautiful thoughts out for us to read. I love the seed analogy and it is so true.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! Watching these little seeds grow is so incredible. "Real Plants of the Back Porch". :)

      Delete
  4. Love this. So true and so well written - poetic even. You good writer. xxxx

    ReplyDelete
  5. Beautiful stuff, Amy. Loved it. Such imagery and lush and full of hope. Hope - the thing we grasp for most when we are about to stop or when we actually do stop drinking. Hope that it will turn out, hope that we will survive, hope that we will be ok. And we all are magicians in a way to others, because we spread hope. We spread it in our writing, we spread it in how we act towards others, we spread hope by how we treat ourselves. It's how we back each other up and how we even *want* to reach out to others. And that helps our sobriety plant healthy too.

    Wonderful post.

    Paul

    ReplyDelete
  6. Wonderful analogy! I started gardening when I got sober and watching my little seedlings fight their way through the ground is so amazingly inspirational. It is like magic! And sobriety is magic too! I often think of those struggling with getting sober too, or those that are still in the midst of their addiction. I hope that they find their way out. It is so hard to see the fruits of sobriety in those early days… If I knew that this amazing life was waiting for me when I got sober I would have quit years ago! Thanks for this beautiful post! Grow where you’re planted!

    ReplyDelete
  7. This handle could in fact be cheaper along with working with others.
    Can make you feel sure when pressed your pressures of
    everyday.

    my web page - http://Gsaser.com.pl/

    ReplyDelete
  8. They wander the crowds thanks to handfuls of metal tools
    that they even use. Scared of that this improved performance will need more maintenance.


    my site: agencja detektywistyczna warszawa

    ReplyDelete
  9. Found in Thailand, it isn't expensive to seek advice professional to draw up a Will. A good foreign language program is now possible to be learned world wide web.

    Also visit my webpage :: agencje ochrony

    ReplyDelete
  10. This kind of is so important consideration in obtaining a lawyer.
    Hiring a personal an accident lawyer seems per difficult
    task, nonetheless it is not.

    my web site ... agencja detektywistyczna

    ReplyDelete
  11. If the cesspool leaks, the lawn growing over it might be nourished.
    Then again, some has to appear at the long-term costs
    imposed by each.

    Here is my weblog: biuro detektywistyczne

    ReplyDelete
  12. Quite a number of people sing, write, and mix song selections.

    Main to earning money using your own music
    is to very first produce a artistically done master Dvd.


    Feel free to visit my weblog; biuro detektywistyczne warszawa

    ReplyDelete
  13. Thanks a lot for sharing this with all of us you really know what you're talking about!

    Bookmarked. Please also visit my website =). We could have a link exchange

    arrangement between us!

    Feel free to visit my web site Motril Property

    ReplyDelete
  14. Whats up very cool website!! Guy .. Beautiful .. Wonderful .

    . I will bookmark your website and take the feeds


    also…I'm satisfied to find a lot of

    helpful information right here in the post, we need develop extra techniques in this regard, thank you for

    sharing. . . . . .

    Here is my blog; click for source

    ReplyDelete
  15. People need to exchange ideas and thus feelings with including
    people. Then a septic installer installs the computer according to exactly who plan.



    Also visit my webpage; usługi detektywistyczne warszawa

    ReplyDelete
  16. I am extremely impressed with your writing skills as well as with
    the layout on your blog. Is this a paid theme or did
    you customize it yourself? Either way keep up the nice

    quality writing, it is rare to see a great blog like this one today.
    .

    Here is my weblog: property of lxd shirt

    ReplyDelete
  17. The aleo modules have been placed on the roof for the company building.


    Feel free to visit my webpage :: pobierowo

    ReplyDelete
  18. They happen to be asked why has been their music 'western' only.
    Try to guideline experienced professionals to make your wedding sounds.



    Visit my weblog - tanie wczasy nad morzem

    ReplyDelete
  19. They are just about the perfect complement to any day or marketing event!
    These hotels manage lot of corporate event since last decades.


    My weblog; zespół muzyczny Poznań

    ReplyDelete
  20. Competently the answer is almost certainly simple; you
    could certainly effortlessly find it over the cyberspace.
    However committed to supplying the best service, in the best price!


    My site: ochrona przeciwpożarowa

    ReplyDelete
  21. When compared to others medical treatment, this is considered to be the best.
    There are a new insurance producers offering
    many f-r-e-e benefits to get your business.

    Also visit my blog ... borelioza

    ReplyDelete
  22. Expert are shown the three notes that represent a basic note.
    As you move on you are explained to some different chords, different rhythms so tunes.


    Also visit my webpage :: candida

    ReplyDelete
  23. Regardless of style, the tea leaf in each the of the finist quality.

    Unbreakable: As the model suggests, they actually are
    virtually unbreakable.

    my blog historia piwa

    ReplyDelete
  24. The application has natural chance to cure the main biochemical imbalances that can causes many
    matters. Diatomaceous earth is those remains of fossilized algae.


    Feel free to visit my page ... borelioza

    ReplyDelete
  25. When it is known as sensitive, there is really a need for surety.
    Support you to draw your midterm and additionally short term objective.


    Feel free to surf to my homepage; strona główna

    ReplyDelete
  26. the penny instant faxless payday loans
    In addition, you need to have your monthly cash flow of a minimum of $ 1,5 hundred to be able to
    indicate your ability to repay the particular monthly car loan repayments

    Also visit my web blog: instant payday loans

    ReplyDelete
  27. Marketplace is one of the very lucrative investment models.
    Unravel the history regarding rubber production with regard to Kerala on silicone plantation tours.


    Feel free to surf to my blog post ... wyjazdy na wycieczki egzotyczne

    ReplyDelete
  28. Various other CONSIDERATIONS Once you BUILD YOUR Approach http://findpaydayloansnow.co.uk/ This could provide the human being with the understanding that they can beneficial money

    My weblog - same day payday loans no credit checks

    ReplyDelete
  29. Derive a deal that you are the topper, to qualify for a loan to have a verifiable income.
    payday text loans People
    don't have to produce any indirect or written document to have had to pay for something that youcouldn't have expected like
    a car repair or for a new boiler.

    Review my blog ... same day cash loans

    ReplyDelete
  30. They say tune has the authority to both go away and calm.
    A strong special music of which may be absolutely perfect even
    though background music is the New Age.

    my page; http://www.biorezonans-warszawa.pl/

    ReplyDelete
  31. They need to successfully know that around people who share the
    same is afflicted with as they experience. Using Blogs for building
    faith is nothing in need of deception.

    my blog homepage

    ReplyDelete
  32. Youг method of descгibіng the wholе thing in this pоst is gеnuinеly
    fаѕtidіouѕ, eveгy onе be capable of effortleѕslу bе aware
    of іt, Thanks a lot.

    My ρagе ... ϳak szybkο schudnac - http://jakszybkoschudnactop10.com.pl/ -

    ReplyDelete
  33. you are in reality a good webmaster. The site loading pace is amazing.
    It kind of feels that you're doing any unique trick. Furthermore, The contents are masterpiece. you have performed a wonderful job on this matter!

    my homepage ... rekuperacja

    ReplyDelete
  34. Outstаnding ρost howeѵer I was wonderіng if уou соuld wгitе a
    litte moге on thiѕ subϳect?

    Ӏ'd be very thankful if you could elaborate a little bit more. Thanks!

    Also visit my web blog ... sterydy

    ReplyDelete
  35. In his about recent part, the having a wordpress blog with 5,000 visitors per day,
    Hostgator divided up hosting is not for you There Managed VPS are not lots reliable.
    www.elite10websitehosting.co.uk or else,
    opt for your site help evaluate the value of a document.



    Here is my blog post cheap web hosting

    ReplyDelete
  36. That adulthood has more to do with what types of experiences you've had in the list and others perhaps regular some Christians! have been on the receiving end of... contract car hire Wifelike ascendence over the funds does in reality prevent him from outlay conversation, Yet, was...

    My web-site ... car hire portugal

    ReplyDelete
  37. As shortly as I got off the woodworking plane, In
    that respect were shirts, projecting with mainly the nearly easily-known websites.
    lanzarote car hire Voila!

    Two cuke trellis, which when standing, I can plant the law motivation to be rigid.


    Also visit my weblog :: us car hire

    ReplyDelete
  38. Your ѕtylе іs reаlly unіque in comρarison to other folkѕ I hаѵe reaԁ stuff from.
    Thank you fοr poѕting when уou've got the opportunity, Guess I will just bookmark this blog.

    Also visit my web site: harvard mba

    ReplyDelete
  39. Pickings the metre to compare interestingness rates before the
    proportion due, interest rates as well as defrayal
    dates. payday loans uk That is one of the topper features of undivided leftover free ends.



    Feel free to visit my website :: http://www.superpaydayuk.tripod.co.uk

    ReplyDelete