My parenting style is sort of like this: "You can't play Wii for a week!" Then two days later....."Wellllllll, I guess it's OK. Just don't blah blah blah ever again!" That was kind of my drinking style too. "You can't drink for a week!" Then after the hangover passed....."Wellllllll, I guess some wine wouldn't hurt. Just don't have blah blah blah glasses again!"
I guess we all know how well that worked since I'm writing a blog about sobriety.
My oldest is on day two of a week long "grounding" from the Wii. I wrote the date when he can play again on a post it and stuck it to one of the kitchen cabinets. No Wii until May 28th.
Now I have to stick to it. (Heh, no pun intended!)
I've never been good at finishing the lesson. I'm great at the pre-lesson excitement. I'm awesome at the first bit. Then I slowly slide back into the easy chair of the old way. Even if the new way is working markedly better. And then I sort of take that mental look around....."Um, what has happened here?" and kind of cobble together some new way, mostly old way. Never finishing the lesson.
It's sort of like learning math: there are these logical (mostly, math is not my best subject) steps to take and then you get the answer. Maybe math is a bad analogy since its' answers are absolute (again, mostly) and life lessons have a little more leeway. But the finishing is the most important part- at least trying to complete the problem. And asking for help if you need it. You know, sometimes you just don't get it and someone else does. And so you ask for help and suddenly the clouds part and you can move on to the next question, the next problem.
Being sober, for me, feels like I'm finishing my life. I don't mean ending it, I mean finishing it. Taking the next step. Solving the problem. And waiting for the answers.
I love this - I am exactly the same. I get all excited and hyped for the lesson or whatever it is I am doing. Then I get going, and it's fine. Then it comes to the muddled middle and I start to crumple up. And more often than not, I fizzle and fade out. Look for the next lesson or project or task. I have about 10 unfinished books, and I am always buying more. I don't stick out the discipline for the kids (me too - "oh ok, but just don't...."). I have such enthusiasm when I start something and I don't follow through with those quadratic equations. Sigh.
ReplyDeleteI am glad you wrote this - I don't feel alone in my non-finish-atude. but like you said so well, I am determined to finish this sober life thing. The middle *does* get muddled, but I push through the rough patches, the boring moments, the anxiety-riden parts. I am finishing this one!
Great post - loved it!
If the sober thing is the first thing I finish I am totally fine with that!
DeleteOh god, haha, this is me with my oldest daughter. No kindle for the rest of the week! Except for tonight and then tomorrow night and the next because I changed my mind and realized what a bitch I was being and I don't want to suffer through you being angry with me. So I very much get this from the parenting perspective. And in real life too, though I like to at least think I have better follow through sober. Or maybe I prioritize things better. Yes, this sounds better. I can even relate to what you said about math, which I'm glad you said because that table at the beginning made me feel a little dizzy. Great post!!
ReplyDeleteThanks. Sometimes it's hard to be hard on them when what happened was soooooo yesterday. My parents were pretty hard on me, which makes me want to be all soft and understanding. Being a kid ain't easy. But then neither is being a grown up.
DeleteI definitely have better follow through sober. Most of the time. :)
I seldom restricted access to things as punishment because I learned, early on, that I'm a big pushover. As soon as the moment has passed and I'm no longer angry...I give in.
ReplyDeleteInstead, I made them suffer through "talks". I think they would have preferred restrictions.
And I loved your analogy...probably because math isn't my strongest subject either.
Sherry
I'm a talker too. Perhaps I can logic the behavior out of you.....it doesn't really work. Sometimes even I want myself to shut up!
DeleteMy mother always said, "Groundings are more of a punishment for the parent than they are for the child." She'd get so pissed off because me dad would ground all of us and then leave town on a job for a week. She was a pushover, too. Me, too.
ReplyDeleteHow true! It's much easier to just let him play wii instead of listening to him whine about how bored he is. I'm sticking to it! But I can be a big old pushover. I'm not sure if that really helps or hurts.
ReplyDelete