Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Little Victories

So, I'm sitting here eating an apple. 


I'm also loving this book by Brene Brown I'm reading that might actually create a self revolution since it makes so much sense. I want to grab B.B. by the shoulders, look her in the eye, and be all gushy and show off a little since her words are changing my life. 

But about that apple.

It's not eight oatmeal cookies. (I only had two) It's this big realization I had in the kitchen about fifteen minutes ago: 

I have no idea what to do with myself.

Before, when I drank like a fish in denial, I knew what to do. Hang out for a bit. Figure out an excuse to get the kiddos into the car and off to the store. ("Hey you guys, do you want to have a coke with dinner? Let's go get one.") Then home with my supplies, plant kiddos in front of TV and sneak out for a smoke with my first big ass glass of wine. What else to do? Nothing else. Get drunk. Ta da! The night is taken care of.

But now. 


I was talking to Belle and she asked me if I'd figured out my passion. Does flailing around on the computer between email and Facebook fourteen times a night count as a passion? Can eating too much be a passion? 

Dang. I didn't think so.

She did say "passion" not "time suck". 

One of the things I loved the most about drinking was that time just sort of.....disappeared. Voila! Five o'clock to bedtime and I didn't even notice! Then after the kiddos went to bed the wine and time floated right away. Then at the end I would just black out and then who knows what the fuck time it is.

Now, some days, I watch the seconds crawl. 4:37. 4:38. 4:42. What to do what to do what to do. 

Today is the first day of our after five tech blackout. Which means that I'll post this and then not be able to see if anyone read it until tomorrow morning. I might go crazy! 

Today is the first day we will hang out together before dinner. We'll eat on time. People will have baths, and stories on time. I won't be hurriedly slapping something on the table and skipping bath and rushing through stories. We can play Crazy 8's after bath time like we did this spring. The children can hit the sack clean and loved, not rushed and covered in sunscreen. 

Boundaries and rules. Changing what makes me annoyed with me, and then reminding myself that I can do it. Eating two cookies, thinking, and then grabbing an apple. Giving myself an atta girl for that little victory. 


  1. I've been watching a lot more TV and reading a lot more since I quit drinking. And while I don't want to become a TV couch potato and lots of TV watching is really not my thing, for now it's better than wandering around aimlessly with a glass in my hand, which is what I used to do. Never got anything done while drinking except drinking, really. I also love knowing if I have work I need to do it will get done. Or if, like last night, a friend wants to Skype, I can Skype, not make excuses cause I'm afraid it'd be obvious I was pissed (drunk I mean - slang translation) and they might wonder why I was so pissed home alone on a Wednesday evening. And in time we will find more ways that fill our time that are rewarding and meaningful. For now, YOU'RE DOING GREAT. You're sounding better. Are you feeling better? I sense a corner turning. How is your group going?

    Lilly xoxo

    1. Skype! We can do that!

      Yes, a corner I think. Although I thought I hit a corner earlier this month, and then it was just a curve. :)

  2. Oh, goodness can I relate! I remember those day, seemed like the clock didn't move at all. But yet all that wasted time - when I was drinking I had all these grand ideas of what I would do if I had the time! Then I had the time and forgot all my grand ideas! Lol! I still don't have a passion really, but I started gardening, which is quite time consuming and really rewarding - something about watching the little tiny plants grow and bloom and get filled with veggies. Anyway love hangin out without the tech toys too, and playing games! I hope you have an awesome night and give us an update tomorrow! - Maggie

  3. Yes, I had some grand ideas while hammered too! Now, what could they be? ;)

  4. How about a big "ATTA GIRL"? for me.

    Oh the rushing kids through stuff. Ouch...those memories still smart like hell.

    Great, great, GREAT post Amy. Bravo.


  5. Great post, just tweeted. You are a natural comedian. Passion for lightheartedness is definitely an asset. Enjoyed the read.TY lisa