Day 11
It's kind of cool that AA has 12 steps, and I'm counting down 12 reasons sobriety rocks. I'm also reading a great book called A Woman's Way through the Twelve Steps so I have the number twelve on the brain. If you haven't read this book I recommend it. I'm on the fourth step in my reading. There are some things I do not like about AA, but the twelve steps is not among them. I like the thought of measured self search in a logical way. And that they don't have to be in order.
11th Good Reason to be Sober
Better Coping Skills
So, before, when I was a boozer, the only way I knew how to deal with life was to drink. I drank when I was happy or sad, struggle-y or cruising along, you know- breathing in and out, whatever. Now I have to deal. It is not always fun or easy. In fact, this has been the hardest year I've had emotionally in as long as I can remember. But I feel like I've healed more than I ever have. I have gotten to know my wondrous self. I can tell when I'm cranky because I'm PMS. I can feel my hormones gearing up. I can tell when I need sleep, or when I need some encouragement. I can feel my happies. I can lose myself in moments. I can cry from way deep down- feeling that sorrow like a surge inside me well up and spill out and cleanse my aching soul. And then I can be OK.
It feels like I get to have a life because I deal with life. That because I face what comes instead of drowning it I get to feel it, live it, and move on.
P.S. Today I have been writing this blog for one year! :) My blog has been one of my biggest coping skills. It helps me sort things out when I'm stuck, or share some goodness. Thanks for reading. It feels important that I share my struggles and triumphs to keep myself from hiding. I always feel so grateful that even one other person reads what I write. It helps me, really helps me. xoxoxo
You have helped me more than you will ever know. Thank you, Susan
ReplyDeleteYou're welcome Susan. Xoxoxo
DeleteLove reading your blog and also reading Belle's. Tomorrow I am going to start the 100 day challenge, thanks to the both of you. I find it interesting that you like the 12 steps , but don't think you need to do them in order (AA is adamant that you do them in order). I have been to maybe 4 meetings and my previous stretch of sobriety was a whopping 12 days……
ReplyDeleteOne thing you do have in common with AA, a saying that I am beginning to understand, is that to keep it you have to give it away. You have given so many people the chance to start over it is amazing!!!
I also appreciated your reading list in a previous blog…… It is easy to think of alcoholism as someone else's problem…. I don't act like that, but reading Drinking a love story, maybe sometimes I do. (My brother's phrase for his behavior was "Olympic style drink in").
A few weeks ago I had a conversation with my husband about learning some new coping skills….because 2 bottles of wine isn't coping. He is currently deployed and I am trying to do this on my own, because he can't stop me from picking up, only I can. I can't expect him to stop me from cruising the wine isle.
BUT I am not doing this alone, I am trying to learn from you, from Belle and so many others on your blog list.
Thank you for sharing and for your honesty, Alison
Well, that just goes to show you how much I know about AA, I thought you could do them in any order. I feel like you mught do them in order, but maybe some things might need visiting first, or re-visiting. I think when you get sober and start listening to yourself you naturally go where you need to be. It might nit always be the "right" place, but where you need to be.
DeleteIt helped me greatly to admit to myself that I had a huge huge problem with alcohol. That I am an alcoholic. Because I am. I didn't have one huge event that triggered my sobriety, just a lot of wishing to be sober.
You are not alone. And you can do this. Reaching out for help is big and takes courage and you did it.xoxoxo
We are out here and reading you, sister. We are reading and rooting for and loving you!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much.
DeleteHi Amy! Fellow (ex) back porch drinker here! I responded to your post on 11/23 which was my day 1. I am happy to share its day 22 and rally thankful to Belle and Rebecca for being out there for me. Reading your journey through old posts. You have made me laugh out loud cry and think about some hard stuff. You have a wonderful gift of putting into words what many of us feel . Thank you so much. Denise (Dee)
ReplyDeleteGood for you! Keep going- it keeps getting better and better- even the hard stuff.
DeleteLove this, Amy. I have the men's version of that book. I love it. While they say that we're all the same, no difference between us all, etc. I do think that there are different ways men and women approach things - even recovery. (I have been itching to write a post about it, but 1) I didn't want to come across as a divisionist or anything like that and 2) I have no experience of the women's POV. I actually was going to email women bloggers and ask them a few questions to get their point of view on some things and then sort of compare...but shelved it. See #1)
ReplyDeleteanyway, glad you're getting something out of it. To answer your question and what the first poster asked - yes, the steps are to be done in order. It's for a reason (for example, before we make amends, we have to be in a certain position - mentally, emotionally - to go ahead, or else we have good chance of buggering it up and then have to make and amend for an amend!). Anyway, you know I don't get all "AA program" on people on their blogs, but just wanted to mention it since it was brought up. But certainly, if one is not following the program per se, there is an abundance of spiritual and practical advice to be found in there...dig in :)
Anyway, congrats on your one year blogaversary! What a wonderful accomplishment...wow, and have you accomplished...let me count the ways...lol.
Keep on keepin' on, Amy.
Cheers!
Paul
I'm going to my first meeting on the 28th. I look forward to going.
DeleteWomen and men are totally different. And that's totally OK. I think we can share what our experiences are and learn from each other- but being a man ain't the same as being a woman and the other way around. No need to pretend that one size fits all when your size fits you and mine fits me and here and there are similarities. Ask away!
I feel like I'm ready for more. And so more will come. Thanks as always for your kind words and support.
Cheers!
I love the line 'It feels like I get to have a life because I deal with life' so true :)
ReplyDeleteI often feel like I get to stretch and move my life because I actually have one now. It's a great feeling. :)
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